You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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