i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
