I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
