Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He felt like a one man threesome
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
