I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
