it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
