this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
