You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
