She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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