I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
