Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
