he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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