remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
