I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
