why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
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we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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