Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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