I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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