i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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