Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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