Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She needs sedatives and a leash
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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