i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
