I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
