i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
