i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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