He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
