Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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