If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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