no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
