so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
