one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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