quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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