your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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