I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
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All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
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IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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