the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
