I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
