my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
