So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
