I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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