Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
