Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
