Me. At least after what I've been through.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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