I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
