I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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