My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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