oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
