I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
