please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
