question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
