I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
FUCK WHALES
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