carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
