Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize