It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
