somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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