whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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