I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
