you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
