Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
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98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
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I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize