Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
