i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
