You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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