She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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