i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?