Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys