What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize