I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
