first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
