After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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