I am in a vortex of obligation.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
