Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
