I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
