i just wanna soil my oats bro
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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