I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
