While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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